Will self-compassion help you get better eating habits?

Inside: If you have the right mindset for healthy eating, you’ll win in the long run. And it all starts with self-compassion.

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Sound familiar?

“If I’m not tough on myself, I’ll never lose weight.”

“I’m disgusted with myself because I always eat too much when we go out to dinner.”

“I have absolutely zero self-discipline when it comes to cookies (or cake, ice cream, pizza, French fries, fill in the blank.)”

“I deserve to get type 2 diabetes because I have the willpower of a toddler.”

Ouch! I’ve heard all these and more before.

It’s not the right mindset for healthy eating

Tough love and self-ridicule will NOT get you to your goal. It doesn’t reverse prediabetes, melt the pounds off, or give you such energy you’re spinning on your heels.

Let’s be clear. Healthy eating is a challenge.

Tasty morsels are always within reach. Food comforts our bad moods and eases our boredom. And sometimes, we’re moving so fast, we don’t even pay attention to what we’re putting into our mouths. (“Who ate the last French fries? Was it me?”)

But how on earth did the idea that we have to be hard on ourselves – cruel even – to be successful become such a common mantra?

Maybe we should stop being so hard on ourselves precisely because healthy eating is a challenge.

When I read the following passage in The Shift: 7 Powerful Mindset Changes for Lasting Weight Loss by Gary Foster, Ph.D., I underlined, *starred* and [bracketed] it.

I want you, your friends, your neighbors, and all the people you know who struggle with healthy eating (whether for weight loss or not) to embrace Dr. Foster’s sentiment. Read on.

“You’re at the starting line of a journey. If part or most of your thinking is fueled by beliefs like ‘I’m disgusting’ or ‘I have no willpower’ or ‘I can’t believe I put myself in this position again’ or ‘I can’t like myself until I lose weight,’ do you think the journey will go well? Does that feel like a good starting place? That’s YOU you’re talking about! Are you feeling motivated, empowered, hopeful? How might it be different if you began the journey with self-compassion rather than self-criticism?”

 

Whether you’re eating for blood sugar control, to lower your blood pressure or cholesterol levels, or to boost energy and well-being, self-kindness is key. If you chew yourself out instead of lifting yourself up, you’ll want to check out this post and free download about stopping that destructive negative self-talk.

Practice self-compassion

Instead of letting an extra slice of pizza, a couple margaritas, or an entire row of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies trigger a character assassination, step back to observe the situation like you would if your best friend had just over-indulged.

If you have a human head and a brain, you will have setbacks. Not one, but many. How you deal with them is more critical than the setback itself.

Find out how to benefit from an episode of overeating. Put on your scientist goggles and learn from overeating.

My confession

For my daughter’s recent birthday, I sat in front of a box of a dozen fancy cupcakes. She laid out the table with multiple plates, forks and knives, and we all dug in tasting the smore’s cupcake, the turtle cupcake, and on and on it went. Yes, I was overly full when I finally got up from the table.

Self-compassion is recognizing that I made a mistake – a mistake that a lot of people make. I’m no worse than being human. I don’t like that I ate a gamillion calories in flour, sugar, and amazing frosting. But I do understand that it was a mistake – not a character flaw. And I can speak to myself with kindness.

I can speak to myself the same way I would talk to a friend.

Do it for yourself

When you practice self-compassion, you eat well (and exercise) to care for yourself. Not to punish yourself. Eating healthfully is self-care.

Imagine you ate multiple bites of 12 fancy cupcakes and felt so full you couldn’t wait to peel off your tight clothes and wiggle into your stretchy pants. Will you shake it off and get back to your healthy plan sooner if you tell yourself you’re a pig and you’ll never gain control over your eating or if you approach this setback with kindness and compassion?

The answer, I’m sure, is kindness and compassion, which increases motivation to keep trying because you care about yourself. I know this from personal experience (so many cupcakes and all things chocolate), from professional experience (thousands of patients, clients, and students), and from research. When you beat yourself up for messing up, you’re more likely to mess up again. Kindness and self-compassion increase – not decrease – your chance of reaching your goals.

Self-kindness and compassion are critical parts of a productive mindset for healthy eating.

Over-indulgence isn’t the problem

Too many cupcake bites, nibbles, and giant mouthfuls on my daughter’s birthday didn’t change my health, but dwelling on it and allowing that bellyache to steer me toward a series of negative thoughts about my abilities and then to a series of unhealthy behaviors would surely harm both my physical and my mental health.

How’s your mindset for healthy eating?