This Is Why You Have No Willpower + How To Get Some

Whether your problem is eating at night or dipping your hand in the cookie jar, here’s how to build willpower. Learn 5 enemies of willpower and 6 tips to build some.

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You thought about digging your hand into the candy dish but shook off the desire and kept right on walking. 🙂

And no chips at lunch. Yay! Even the first three times you stood near the open cereal box on the kitchen counter, you talked yourself out of grabbing a handful. But now?

Yikes! Your hand goes in and, before you know it, you’ve got a mouthful of sweet, crunchy o’s. Both relief and anxiety bubble up simultaneously, as you open the freezer and pull out a pint of ice cream to serve yourself your favorite creamy and crunchy concoction.

Why is it that you stand firm against tempting foods all day, but completely lose it some evenings?

There’s a good reason we have more willpower earlier in the day. And a good reason eating at night can get out of control.

5 enemies of willpower

I think you rely on willpower too much.

Clients and students ask me how to build willpower, saying that if they just had more of it, they’d eat perfectly all day. It’s not possible to have that much willpower!

It’s worth repeating: It’s not possible to have that much willpower!

What is willpower?

Willpower is the ability to exercise control over your desires.

What’s better than willpower?

We don’t have just one temptation each day. We have dozens and possibly even hundreds. Our days are filled with desires! So what’s better than fighting our temptations all day?

Reduce temptations!

You’ll find it’s much easier and less exhausting to reduce temptations than to fight them all day long.

Here are the 5 enemies of willpower that keep tripping you up.

Willpower enemy #1: Stress

Instead of thinking of willpower as a character strength, think about it as muscular strength. When you use it enough, it gets bigger and stronger. When you use it too much, it gives out. That’s why you’re more likely to dig your hand into the open cereal box after fighting urges all day.

Did you stand in a long line at the supermarket when you really wanted to go home and fall into the couch? Were you polite to the telemarketer when you wanted to slam the phone down? How many times did you do what was expected of you today when you kept wondering: When is it my turn to do what I want?

All day long, you exercised control over your desires. Your willpower muscles got tired.

Heck, it’s just a few minutes after noon, and my quick tally puts me at 9 actions I didn’t want to do today. But I did them. All of them.

Willpower is stronger earlier in the day when we aren’t so tired. And you have more willpower when you’re sailing through life rather than squirming through quicksand. Stress is the enemy of willpower. Stress and willpower fatigue are the reasons you might not like what you’re eating at night.

Willpower enemy #2: A drink or two

Alcohol changes the way you think, feel, and act. It reduces some of the activity in the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that helps you make good decisions. That’s why I might eat extra bread and olive oil and order dessert if I’ve had wine with my dinner.

Willpower enemy #3: Lack of sleep

When I need caffeine shots to pull my dragging body through the day, I lack adequate energy to stand up to my cravings or desires. Like alcohol, sleep deprivation impairs your judgment.

Willpower enemy #4: The justification trap

If you’ve ever stopped by Starbucks for a muffin and sweet coffee drink on your way home from the gym because you worked out extra hard, you fell into the justification trap. If your goal is to lose weight or lower your cholesterol levels, for example, that Starbucks stopover is another hazard. And you put it in your way.

Research suggests we often use past “good” behavior to justify future behavior. But giving it your all at the gym was a single action that, by itself, will not get you to goal. We must have many, many positive actions to reach goal.

Consider this: Willpower is not about morality. Your weight, your blood sugar, and craving a muffin are also not about morality. Don’t allow a “good” behavior to justify a decision that’s not in your best interest.

Learn more about mind traps in Your Brain’s Autopilot is Destroying Your Diet

Willpower enemy #5: Perfectionism

When I suggest to folks they stop being so hard on themselves, they argue as if I’d suggested they steal great grandma’s walker when she’s halfway down the street. “If I don’t push myself, I’ll never succeed,” they say. Though a common belief, it’s wrong. You change better when you’re kinder to yourself – not when you’re a harsh inner dictator. When you drop the shame and pain of failing or “cheating on your diet,” you open up to self-reflection and learning from your experience. That’s when change starts. And when you believe in yourself, you achieve more.

How to build willpower

(or bypass the need for it)

Willpower is way overrated. You don’t need to build more willpower; you need to rely on it less. Here are 6 ways to overcome our natural inability to exercise control over our desires as often as we wish.

1. Be kind to yourself

Stop being your worst critic. Excessive self-criticism backfires. Kindness, self-reflection, and honesty will carry you to the finish line.

Use the 6 steps to quiet your critical inner voice.

2. Pre-decide

You’ll make smarter choices before temptations are in front of you. Pack tomorrow’s lunch tonight. Look at restaurant menus before you walk through the doors. Decide this afternoon, what you will say to your grandma if she offers you her favorite chocolate mints tonight.

3. Plan to be mentally exhausted

My best self doesn’t show up every day, all day. I bet yours doesn’t either. So let’s expect that our tired brains may try to turn us the wrong way. Ask yourself how you can make a lack of willpower irrelevant. For me, that means no open boxes of cereal on the kitchen counter, preparing my lunch in advance (even when I eat at home), and keeping the chocolate in that high cabinet that my less than 5-foot, 2-inch frame can’t reach without jumping like a 2-legged tree frog.

4. Start early

Since willpower dwindles as the day goes on, plan to face your toughest challenges early.

5. Create reminders of your long-term goals

When the mouth-watering scent of my daughter’s apple cinnamon cupcakes fills the kitchen, I easily forget my goal to lower my cholesterol levels. A photo, affirmation, or motivational saying in my kitchen tamps down my enthusiasm for a plate of cupcakes and reminds me of my ultimate goal – to lead a joy-filled, energized, healthy, and meaningful life.

6. Take care

Imagine you’re in charge of taking care of someone special. You’re in charge of her food, her bedtime routine, and helping her manage stress. Treat yourself that way. You’ll be better able to say no to an ice cream sundae when you feel healthy, rested, and cared for. And that’s a promise.

Now I’m off to remind my family not to leave open cereal boxes on the counter.